


It was half a dream

by ryuukko



Category: House M.D.
Genre: AU, Angst, Episode Related, M/M, OOC, OOC House, Post-Amber, Slash, Spoilers, Tension, holy shit this is so messed up lol, implied sex, sex mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-22 06:34:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7423828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryuukko/pseuds/ryuukko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why did House get so drunk he needed someone to pick him up? Why did he get so messed up after Wilson glared at him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

                                                   _The last time he saw that idiot was when he passed by his room. House lived through the deadly procedure. His look was intellegent, so Wilson assumed the stubborn bastard was okay. His heart hurt too much to care for him. He failed him for the last time. Hailing a cab was too much for him that night, Gregory House had to be the death of the woman James could finally settle down with. Amber was perfect for him. She was no delicate flower, she knew what she wanted, and how to acheive it. Too bad she was about to be six feet under once the plug was pulled. WIlson would have rather ripped his own heart out than say goodbye. A future with her was all too promising._ __ That waterbed was going to be replaced with the bed he wanted, just like she would have. She had a special grip on the oncologist. All of the other women came and went, their weak personalities couldn’t compare to Amber. She was a doctor, she was ambitious, had Wilson on his toes 24/7. Oh, how he wanted to watch the years fly by. Witness her long, silky blonde hair go gray with age. Her personality, however, wouldn’t fade with the years. Hell, there was the possibility for children. Sure, they hadn't gotten that serious yet, but the pace they traveled together at could have lead to that road.    
  
    Not a single organ system could function on its own. Amber never faltered under the harsh treatment of her emotions. She never brokedown and gave up, even rising above to do the right thing. Sure, her ambition landed her in hot water from time to time but she never let herself go. Under House’s supervision, she was abused. House hated her, probably because she was a better version of him. Not necessarily smarter but more in control of her own life. Her own happiness and destiny. Her experience in the medical field couldn’t match the diagnosition’s just yet, therefore her mistakes were greater in number by his account. He saw her a wreckless, arrogant, and an overall dangerous backstabber who couldn’t be trusted. He was not entirely wrong. Sometimes he picked on her too much. She never caved in and House loathed it.

_Well, House would be back to limping around. Insulting everything and everyone that he came in contact with. As far as Wilson cared, he could do that alone from now on. He wanted no part in it. House was an ass who pushed away loved ones, didn’t need anyone to get to know the good side of him. What was left of it. Unless your name was James Evan Wilson and you happened to be his best friend of nearly 17 years, you could go to hell.  
  
Not anymore. House is the one who should go to hell now for what he had caused. The mess couldn’t be fixed up. The hole in Wilson’s heart will remain. Who cares what ex-friend of him thought or felt? It was too late to apologize and he needed to live with it, realize it. If he stayed, Wilson would see these events unfold-  
  
  After being called an idiot, House would brush it off. Wilson would offer his big, fake smile and ask him to stop being an ass. House would do something flat out rude and make his so called best friend feel like utter crap. Totally disregarding his feelings, House would go back to popping pills like candy, not giving a damn about the wounds he inflicted. He’d brag about how he almost died trying to help him. Amber’s death would be acknowledged as meaningless event in 5 weeks. Wilson would slip further and further into depression until he reached his limit.   
  
__No, House needed to feel his hurt to understand. He needed someone to reap the only thing he truely wanted to remain in his life away from him. So Wilson stared at those cold blue eyes from across the glass door and turned. Goodbye Gregory House._


	2. No escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okayyyyyyyyyy soooooo  
>  kinda messed with the story a bit so it all started with house wanted to kiss Wilson but Wilson being taken lol

What do you do when you love your so called best friend more than you can express? You don’t see him as a friend anymore, but you’ve fallen in love. You see him happy. But not with you. Why would he love you? You treat him like dirt and you don’t know how to talk like a normal person. It’s stupid to try. Not to mention too late. Your space has been filled with someone much better. Someone who belongs there. 

 

  
  
You get drunk as hell and drown your sorrow. You then remember you can’t drive home like this. He’s on your mind so you call him. He cares enough to pick you up, make sure you’re alright. You won’t tell him how much your heart yearns for him, you’ll just stare out the window and ignore half of his questions. Everything will go back to normal the next day.   


 

  
Wrong.

 

 

You feel guilt pierce your gut for the first time in ages. Your love is in agony because you knocked out the perfect piece in his life. He confronts you to own up and risk your life to save his dying girlfriend. You say yes. 

 

 

** Everything goes black, then white. A familiar scene plays out. This time, there is no screaming, no pain. You’re in a dysfunctional heaven. That is, until you see her.   
**

**  
She looks at you, convinces you to face your worst fear in the face. You know you can’t expect happiness after what you did. You try to have a little faith and hope for once, but the first thing you see shatters it. You see misery, pain, and...hate? Yes, that was a glimmer of hate. Just for you. Enjoy. **


	3. Can't ignore the the bastard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WIlson's new life is non existent

         Wilson tried to wait out the pain. He tried to heal on his own. Moving away didn’t help, random casual sex only made him lonelier. A new job made his pain linger, every blonde that had Amber’s shape made his heart jolt with a split second of hope that would die just as fast as it came. Work was boring and morbid.    
  
_ Nothing was ok. His life sucked and nobody cared.    
_   
Another day, another boring morning paper to read. Ah, an ongoing investigation on that one event he wanted to remember. He was about to skip it too, until he saw House’s name.    
_“World famous diagnostician Gregory House M.D. of Princeton-Plattsburgh teaching hospital has slipped into a coma. An ongoing legal battle is taking place at…”_ Wilson skipped a lot of it. Apparently it cost a lot of money to keep him on lifesupport and he needed constant care. The hospital couldn’t tend to him but if they allowed him to die without his mother’s consent, they would be sued. Or, at least that’s what the big wigs insited. Cuddy was probably fighting to save him. Wilson couldn’t wrap his head around her. How could she  care that much about that idiot? He was a walking disaster, misery maker!    
  
The next paper made Wilson laugh. That bastard won his right to stay on life support. Oh, how Wilson wished he lost. That would shut him up, keep him from hurting anyone else. If he could, he’d wake him up just to call him a monster. He’d find something that would make him break and understand. Not for his own good, for Wilson’s. James wanted to scare him, be the one in charge for once. Maybe then he wouldn’t feel so pathetic. Conquering his enem-

Enemy? Wait…   
  
Wilson just thought of his unconscious best buddy as his _enemy._ __   
  
Yes, Greg fucked up. Wilson was upset. But Greg was alone and confused. Why was he the only one he let into his heart? Greg shot down anyone who reached out to help, but he let wilson get close enough to speak to him. Greg’s last act before Amber died wasn’t what killed her. He actually tried to help, at once simple request. He cared about his brain, his intellect and he was about to give it up to try and save someone he hated. Now, House laid alone in a cold hospital bed. Nobody could tell if he was in pain. Maybe the leg bothered him less in his comatose state. Who knows?   
  
The Oncologist thought back to the last time he saw House. He didn’t see agitation, that was cold terror. He was calling out to him in some pathetic way. He couldn’t use words, he felt like crap and waited for his response. And wilson inflicted that pain he planned on doing without knowing. He didn’t hear his breathing grew rapid, his BP go off the charts. Nor did he see the railings rattle and the tubes rip out of him as he fell out of the bed, scrambling for the door before he blacked out and seized again. Oh no, James was long gone, and he had no idea of House’ reaction to him leaving. Sure, this happened hours after he left. 

\--------

** Now he knew. A year later, he moved back. He visited House every day. Just like the diagnostician used to, Wilson ate lunch next to a coma patient. Only this time, there were no smart remarks, no one stealing his lunch. No one barged in yelling at House to go do clinic, or think about another one of his puzzles. Wilson could tell him about his day without getting interrupted. The only downside was that there was no response, no advice. Those blue eyes didn’t look back at him.  **

****He even tried flipping on his favorite shows, expecting a response for some insane reason. Maybe the OC would wake him....  
  
Wilson tried not to miss him, he tried so hard. It was no use. One day he slowly stopped eating and took House’s hand. Tears began to stream from his face.   
  
“Y-you’re an idiot. You can’t leave me too! Not after what i’ve lost. I’m so sorry, but I need you to stay here with me…”  
  
 


	4. Two month ahead of schedule

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dreams can turn into Nightmares fast

  
__ “Wake up and smell the coffee loverboy!”   
  
House looked down at his boyfriend. After 20 years, they finally became a couple. Sure, he only had two more months to enjoy his love’s presence, but he’d milk it dry. He had to give Wilson everything he could. This time, he wanted it too. He wanted to give up all of his years to come for him. He wish he could. Last night they made love for the first time. House thought WIlson was the most beautiful thing. Yesterday, a simple conversation got personal. House thought he slipped up but Wilson pulled him into a heated kiss and broke the ice. Greg moan happily for the rest of the night in so many ways and it pumped life his once cold heart. Wilson’s inevitable demise seemed light years away. Everything in the world was right when he lay in the afterglow with the ex-oncologist by his side,   
  
House’s newfound smile died that morning.    
  
Wilson’s eyes were open, his mouth hung open. His skin was pale and his lips were gray.    
  
Shards of clay scattered across the wooden floor, along with the coffee. House shook and felt the air leave his body. He shook his head and repeated “no” over and over again. The more he said it, the more he didn’t believe it. James was gone. Long gone.    
  
His voice cracked, whimpering like a wounded animal. He didn’t even get to say goodbye. House gathered in his arms and hugged his dead boyfriend tight, a cry ripped from his throat.. He could never be ready for him to go. He started to apologize as if it was going to bring him back. He cursed at god to give back what he stole. Sure, insulting god would gain ground. A pretty please was for saps. 

_**  
Cradling his lover in his arms, he sobbed himself to sleep. Nothing could console him ever again. ** _


	5. Who the hell are you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That thing we secretly fear only when someone mentions it

           Wilson yelped when he felt the body next to him jerk. His eyes flew open and he saw a miracle occur. He stumbled back and fell with an “oof!”   
  
  House’s body jerked again. His heart monitor spiked once and then returned to normal. House’s eyelids twitched and opened slightly. The second he did, tears pooled and streamed down his face. His expression twisted with acknowledgement to the world. WIlson’s heart fluttered and filled with hope. House was awake!   
  
...but he was crying. He never cried. 

“My boyfriend is dead, oh god!” He sobbed. “F-fuck!”   
  
WIlson’s eyes widened. House’s...boyfriend? The hell? Where on earth did that come from? House was bi?    
  
“Jimmy come back to me! Please! I’ll do anything!”   
  
Oh.   
James couldn’t say he wasn’t confused as all hell, but House’s heart was probably going to fail if he didn’t do something. He scrambled to his feet and ran to his side. “House? House it’s me-”   
  
House froze. His heart jumped and he made a small sound. It couldn’t be, could it? He didn’t want to open his eyes if he was wrong. His heart couldn’t take it. The fluorescent hospital lights, ivs, monitors, and starch-clean smell never occurred to him. He didn’t know that James Evan Wilson was still alive and infact, not dead of cancer. He looked over and saw that face he fell in love with, thought he kissed and seen twist in pleasure under and over him in bed. No, that was dream wilson. The real WIlson looked him over, concerned.   
  
“Babe, is that you? Am I dead too?”   
  
 Wilson blushed. Babe? He couldn’t respond for a moment, and then he saw House about to freak out again. He forced himself to say something. “N-no House, you finally woke up. It’s been a while but i’ve forgive you for Amber’s death. It wasn’t your fault and I miss her but you don’t deserve to be blamed.”   
  
   House stared at him, confused for a moment before chuckling. “Jimmy, love-” His voice was so tender, “What are you talking about? Amber died years ago! You already told me this.” He kissed him on the lips hard, WIlson’s brain short-circuited like a machine that just got soaked. These soft lips expressed love and passion, and seemed pretty clear on their message. It wasn’t out of lust, but out of pure love. It lasted a few seconds and ended in House pulling James to his chest. “Scare me like that again and you’re not getting any for a week!”   
  
James squirmed violently in House’s arms. Damn, he was strong for a guy who’s been in bed for a bit over a year! Wilson couldn’t process any of this nonsense. He escaped that bear hug and began to check all of his friend’s vital’s. House seemed unphased and sat up. “Hon, I’m fine! Really!”    
  
“Stop calling me that House. We aren’t a couple.”   
  
House huffed in slight annoyance. “Okay, I don’t get the joke here. Ji-”   
  
“STOP IT! SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!” Wilson snapped. House flinched and his sickly patient smile fought to remain on his face. It had only lasted this long because he truly thought that Wilson had died of Cancer in front of him, and came back to life somehow. It was House’s ultimate wish, above his leg even. Now it was angrily screaming at him to stop loving him.    
“YOU WERE IN A COMA! YOU JACKASS STOP PULLING STUNTS TO MAKE EVERYBODY FEEL BAD FOR YOU! IT’S NOT OKAY AND YOU DO NOTHING BUT HURT THE PEOPLE WHO TRY TO GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU!”   
  
House sat there, looking at WIlson. He was right. None of it was real. He had never woken up from that trauma-induced coma he slipped into. The world moved on without him. For some reason, that Wilson that turned his back on him return. Of course he woke up to a living nightmare. Even his coma dream turned sour.    
  
There was no escape. He just outed himself too.    
  
His bright, rare smile wrenched into a frown. “Oh. Of course.” He calmed down and took a shakey breath. The pain in his leg made itself present. Ah yes, his old, shit life. He couldn’t be in anymore agony or panic. He blankly stared at Wilson. “I remember now. At least you aren’t dead from cancer. I...I wanted nothing more than to see you again. If this is reality, it sucks. But, at least….at least it isn’t….you’re alive. That’s all that matters.”

* * *

****__After that, House wasn’t House. He was a kind man.  
  
And it scared the shit out of everyone. The leg pain was just as strong as ever but he didn’t inflict the pain on others. Foreman even tried prodding him for a smart remark. None.   
  
Cuddy was given flowers and respect. The team was given raises and days off. House let things slide and he was nice to patients.   
  
At lunch, he would take his pills and cry alone in a spot nobody could find him. The pain was unbearable and all of the moments of the day he wanted to scream out in pain was let loose. Inside, he was emotionally dull. Everything hurt so bad he didn’t want anyone to worry about him anymore. He didn’t matter. The fight had left his soul and he receded into himself.That’s where the real House was. Hiding like a coward. He couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t. So he put himself on auto-pilot. He was almost inhuman. He didn’t save as many lives, due to his loss of his ambition. For two months, nobody complained.  
WIlson strode into House’s office.  
  
House looked up at him and gave him a smile. “Hello Dr.Wilson. What can I do for y-”  
  
“House, cut the crap. I don’t know what’s going on but this needs to end.”  
  
“What do you mean?” He cocked an eyebrow and then realized. “Oh! Right!”   
  
He took out a fancy pen from his cup. “I’m terribly sorry! SIlly me always taking your mont blanc pen!” He chuckled and got up to hand it to him. “Here you are.”  
  
Wilson took the pen and threw it to the floor. Grabbing as much of the suit as he could, WIlson pulled the taller man to his level. “You’re too nice! It just isn’t you!”  
  
House’s expression was unreadable. WIlson hoped that it would turn angry, but instead, that damn smile reappeared. It quivered a bit but remained.   
  
“Dr.Wilson, you’re hurting me. If you could please, just loosen your grip a little-”  
  
“No!” Wilson shook him once. House gasped and his mouth hung open, air choked out. WIlson was getting angrier by the second. He couldn’t find that asshole friend he lost, the one that actually did his job and a personality. All that was left was some wimp who couldn’t even say no to extra mayo on his sandwich at subway.   
  
“Snap out of it House! Stop being a big baby!”  
  
“Dr.W-wilson! P-p-please!”  
  
“You don’t fucking say please! You yell at people, call them idiots! Go on, insult me!”  
  
“What? N-no, I couldn’t do that to you! You’re so kind and-”  
  
WIlson shoved him. House stumbled over the trashcan and fell backwards. He fell and curled, rubbing his thigh and panting to keep from screaming. He let out a hiss of pain and then inhaled deeply. Squeezing his eyes shut, he resorted to gritting his teeth. Wilson’s heart twisted, he wasn’t getting the old House back. He was just hurting this new guy that had done nothing wrong.   
  
He crouched down next to him. “....Hey, are you alright?”  
  
“Yes!” He squeaked out. “I am f-ah! Ow ow ahhh…!” House couldn’t hold the tears back anymore. He bit his lip and hiccuped. “Pl-lahease go, I ne-e-ed to be alone. It will be al-righhight!” He pushed Wilson’s hand away and wailed.  
  
The team just happened to walk in at that moment. Their eyes went wide, Wilson ran past them.   
  



	6. Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tbh?

Cuddy walked into Wilson’s office after his meeting was over. She shut the door behind her. “WIlson, what the hell was that?”   
  
“Um, a little girl dying of-”   
  
“I’m talking about House you moron!” She placed a laptop over his files. Wilson groaned and placed his pen down. 

  
  This was awkward. As far as Cuddy knew, House was a big teddybear now. Nothing got him angry, in fact, he was very forgiving. Cuddy knew it wasn’t an act, or was at least as convinced as everyone else. She showed him a camera that was put House’s office. It showed the whole ordeal. The current footage showed something odd.. Now, Thirteen was hugging him, a masseuse worked on his leg, and Foreman checked his neurological functions.     
  
“I tried to shake some sense back into him.”   
  
“Why?”   
  
“Why? You like him like this? A bad doctor and a sap?”   
  
“Yeah! He’s filled out his clinic hours, the hospital doesn’t pay for stupid damages he used to inflict, or fight off lawsuits to save his ass. And he’s happy! Why can’t YOU see that, huh? I want an answer.”   
  
Wilson never stopped and thought about it. Maybe House was actually happy. He didn’t look like he was in misery, that is until he shoved him.   
  
“I see it, you know i’m right. Now go apologize when you can.”   
  
Wilson nodded. 

\----------

House opened his journal. His escape was in writing. 

_ “Dear Journal, _

_       Today was okay. I would not like to call it my best, but I am better now. Around two, James came in and talked to me! Gee, did I miss him. I still love him. I want the best for my old pal. If that doesn’t include me, That’s okay with me. I don’t get why he’s so angry at me. He grabbed me and threw me. I told the ducklings not to worry but they insisted. Tsk tsk when will they learn? I can handle myself! I wish I knew why James was mad at me. I’m scared but tomorrow, i’ll buy him coffee. A little caffeine with cream and sugar might help. I know he loves it with lots of sugar. I know dream Wilson died when I woke up but I still love him. I miss his tender kisses and his smile. That last night, we held eachother, hoping that it would last forever. It felt like nothing could hurt us. There was no pain, no misery. I want to go back, dream about him again. I miss you Jimmy, I don’t want to go on without you so I’ll deal with this cruel reality. Maybe your sweet lie will greet me tonight in my dreams and hold me again. Please do. _

__    -Gregory”   
  
Wilson wiped a tear from his face. He read all of this in the open journal that House was slumped over. House, at some point had fell asleep. Wilson was so desperate to understand him he read the whole book. All of his made up adventures, some weird flings, dramatic cases, and the saddest thing, an oncologist dying of cancer. House, in his imaginary world, gave up everything. His job, his possessions, his friends, all to give Wilson the support he deserved. Slowly they had fallen in love, and then he had left Greg two months early. Oh, how James wanted the old Greg back. He was so obsessed about Amber that he had forgotten about him. House loved him for years, never said anything.    
  
Greg stirred. He sat up quick and blinked. Damn, still the crappy reality. He sat back and rubbed his face with his palms.    
  
“Gregory?”   
  
The diagnostician gasped and pushed himself against the table. Startled by the sudden appearance of the man that shoved him earlier. “D-d-dr.Wilson! Hey, um, could you please not scare me, it’s not….” He shook, right, being nice triggered him. “Get away!”   
  
Wilson reached out, this time it was to pull Greg into a kiss. Greg shoved him and cried at him that wasn’t real. Wilson was shocked, he stood and listened to his old friend.   
  
“Stop it! Stop toying with me, I don’t know what to do anymore! You’re the worst fucking person on the planet! You think I’m going to let you hurt me again? Get the hell out of here you fucking prick! I loved you and I tried to sit back and watch my best friend be happy, but I couldn’t even get drunk alone without messing up! Everything sucks and the last few years were all a lie! I wake up in pain, I can’t walk Jimmy. I can’t find a reason to go on but everybody wants me here for some irrational reason. If I stay, I hurt people, if I go, I hurt people. I swallow my pain everyday for you! You...I’m scared to death of you! I can’t love, I can’t even be happy nothing makes sense!” He  grabbed his computer monitor and tossed it at the window. It hit it with an ugly bam and fell. Wilson winced, this House was scary, unpredictable.

“I need my boyfriend, not this nightmare Wilson.” He looked up at him with cold, calculating eyes. He grimaced and rose to his feet. “I see, you wanted me to be my old self. What’s the matter James? Didn’t like the new me? It’s a shame, I actually gave a damn for once. I tried. just. for. You…” He grabbed him by the shirt as Wilson had done to him earlier. “Well, I’m back Jimmy-boy! You really are an idiot, aren’t you? Mind telling me what you want. I can’t seem to solve this annoying puzzle.”   
  
It was James’ turn to tremble. The icy blue anger that pierced his very soul seemed dangerous.

“I-I read your journal. I understand you now.”   
  
“Oh really? You gonna call me a fag now? It’s a little late-”   
James kissed him again, grabbing House’s hands. They both were overcome with emotions. House was exhausted, WIlson had fallen for him. He realized it when that undying need to be by his side ceased to fade. He was just as scared and confused as House had been. 

Luckily, this time House had given into him. He opened up those great big gates for him and allowed Wilson to take him into his arms and kiss him until he was convinced.    



End file.
